I think you have just left a great piece of information. Do You Have Aspergers Or Narcissism? He has refused to look on property websites because its too stressful, and hes fed up of seeing the same old crap but then the minute he gets stressed accusing me of not doing enough to find us a home, caring too much about being cheap, and that Im selfish. Then I had a full-blown breakdown in my early 40s, psychiatric hospital, sledgehammer antidepressant, suicide attempts etc. It doesnt bother me at the time, but the next couple of days Im shaky inside and feel a bit sick. Ive started to see a counselor to gain better understanding of myself and to try to change but Im now worries that maybe my narcissistic side is manipulating this poor fellow and were just pretending to deal with things that arent the root cause of my problems that ultimately present as abuse or neglect of my spouse. A COMPLEX TRAUMA TEAM was set up and this turned out to be a life changer where therapy is concerned. She literally panic on me day after day sayng its mafia money i need to lose asap its dangerous! The narcissist can be self-centered in bed, but can usually act and even feel both romantic and passionate, particularly when being admired, as in the honeymoon stage of a relationship. The last time was when I left. I love the comparative chart that you have listed above because looking at that you really do notice the big differences between the two; whereas if you are just looking at someone with their surface behaviors, you might think that they are one and the same. And it was clear, looking back, his autism was in fact a bit to blame. My way to determine the difference is via the behaviour called gasslighting. You need to free yourself and only you can do it. He seemed on edge when he got home from work. He does whats right for him because he struggles to understand whats right for others. Heres the kicker though: I think I might be somewhere on the autism spectrum AND a narcissist. In the beginning he would say inappropriate remarks about other women in front of me telling me I was too sensitive when I asked him not to do that. The Aspergers description is clumsily written and inaccurate. If I try to see him through glass I can see that he is self-obsessed, opinionated, considers himself always right (which he almost always is because of his intelligence) can be arrogant and is consumed with his own family, their happiness and his health. You have to live your own life and have your own friends with these satanically possessed individuals Mental health issues arent a funny matter are they. People living on devices, with bluelight burning their retina and corneas. Asperger's (AS) and High Functioning Autism (HFA) are often confused with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Break up and never look back. these so called personality disorders simply do not exist Goodness me!!! Perhaps if you did some research yourself on narcissism and manipulation you may get a better sense of whether this is happening to you or not. I also read an interesting piece of information recently and use this thought when I feel my mind is letting me down. Autism also resides on a spectrum. Misdiagnosing Narcissism as Asperger's Disorder | HealthyPlace are happy, it makes me happy. But hes manipulative & very Nasty, when we have words and always blames me for everything within the conversation , if I make a comment he takes it a derogatory comment towards him & after 25yrs Ive learnt how to word my comments, as I know he doesnt take the blame he has the ability to make you believe everything that said is my fault ( he was like that with his 1st wife ) but cannot see it . It was after almost 2 weeks without a single grain of rice. For Your Own Good, and Thou Shalt Not Be Aware, by Alice Miller Weve been married 32 years and I was a therapist for 20 of those years. Narcissism is nothing more that a set of hooks for the unsupported autistic mind to function. For a man this is a somewhat embarrassing and diminishing situation and causes stress in itself. I do not play head games or understand why people play them, I therefore frequently end up being the loser in social situations. I feel totally blessed to have a 2nd chance and we have had a lot of terrific times together. Animals dont ask for emotions to be laid bare, they dont expect any kind of social level from a person, they accept a human as they are and from what I have observed some on the autism spectrum put an animal above any friends on their friends list, because animals dont put humans down as stupid, beneath them, inferior, and all the other stupid belittling emotions that circulate in society these days. My life is ruined, i live in a foundation for autistic adults that had.. my life. Years and years looking for answers. If someone is doing something stupid, you cannot jump inside their brain to stop them, they need to use their brain to stop themselves, the responsibility is not yours.) I had a terrible time, her anger and contempt directed at me, humiliating and really scary for me. I will note these books, one of which he was recommended by his therapist.The Body Keeps The Score. I hope Ive now got an extra ten years up my sleeve. I wonder if Im attracted to this kind of person because I understand and feel so much for them. I developped a 6th sense for dealing with narcs. I feel Im disabled in some way and technology isnt where I ought to be investing my time and my gifts. Both narcissists and Asperger's patients are prone to react with depression to perceived slights and injuries - but Asperger's patients are far more at risk of self-harm and suicide. When he has a rage its off the scale! We have texted since, friendly but nothing more. When I inadvertently triggered rage in him it was wild and an eye opener, as I can suffer CPTSD, and unfortunately lost a friend of very many years the next day. Though there are parts that are widely understood by the public the majority of a narcissism diagnosis is not. I left in her bank money for me still.. i was in shock.. i was the only one in the entire world that knew i had to run .. get rid of the money.. anything but dont leave me on my computer with 100k in bank!!! What was most interesting was how I recently read that there can be mixtures of narcissism and Aspergers (just called autism spectrum now) and thats how I found your article. Life is much better now, I know not to expect her to do things straightaway, but to work up to them. Hes very religious with the cloak of being a christian. As I look at the descriptions of each in this article, what behaviours of each look like in everyday life, it is not as clear cut as it is often made out to be. I was able to return to almost good health after eliminating pre made and eating fresh and foods with no additives. I think these are both related to the abuse that Im sure (but without any evidence) that they received. Narcissistic rage is an outburst of intense anger or silence that can happen to someone with narcissistic personality disorder. As to your question of whether they can pick up narcissistic traits from their parents, I believe any child can pick up these traits, as children we learned a lot by copying what we saw. 3. When a person is neurodivergent, it means that their brain learns and processes differently than people who are considered neurotypical. The limit is other people's recognition. The First and Last Freedom, by J.Krishnamurti I still get caught out from time to time but not often. I keep reading that we dont recover but I i imagine there has to be something that works, both for me and people that encounter me. 10. I read your piece about your life and trouble with interest. I believe that is always possible. I hope anyone having been hurt or hurts others can stop and take some stock of their own behaviour, as Ive had to in this last year. It says enough i believe. I cant go to his house anymore so he comes to mine and can only see me the same days of the week, it bothers him to change the schedule, Mon, Wed, Sat evenings for the last 9 months now. He basically accuses me of trapping him here, not caring about his needs and mental health, that I am a failure. Narcissists pay little attention to others because they think they are more important than anyone else. Im not sure if what I have written will help but I hope so even if its just a little. metal poisoning, food intolerance etc I just, cant tell what exactly i am. 2. Recently i ran out of food i asked for help nobody cared.. nobody helped.. both my parents said fu starve man you will love it Like what? How could i know i was that good, or had any kind of skills or whatever my entire family and world kept destroying me all my life. I think my brother and sister, both younger than me, were abused too but they dont remember anything, and they dont believe what my story. Sorry for carrying on but he has traits on both sides of that list and I dont know what to do. Some pretty disturbingly backwards and stereotyped views are portrayed here and really need amending, I.e empathy and sensitivity . . verging on psychopath too, since he sat on me when I was pregnant and cut my wedding ring off with wire clippers once. These experiences and many many more in life, has contributed to a metaphor, this has helped me clarify what happens in life, Imagine: group of 10 people in a room with a small bust in the centre of the people sitting around it, one person is totally blind (but he has no idea he is) The other seeing people dont know hes blind but just has some peculiar mannerisms, everyone is talking about the lovely blue marble bust of a Queen. But Im sure lots of couples overcome these difficulties or learn to live around each other in less conventional ways. On the general issue what is most tragic about all these discussions, as well as the reality of the negative people and the denial of causes physical and otherwise is that these victims on both sides of abuse are using the language of the psychologist and psychiatrist you havent realised that they are your enemy to be simplistic because theyre false narrative is trapping you from getting help for yourself or the family I was born into what seems to me to be a family of narcs and was terribly bullied, abused and scapegoated both as a child and as an adult in the end I had to cut contact with my whole family. However the lack of empathy leads to narcissistic behaviours and a misunderstanding of the real cause of symptoms. Asperger's Symptoms: List of Most Common Signs and Features - Psych Central I want to share my home with my loved ones but he makes it so unconfortable I have to do this outside of my home. Even with people you once knew well. If I give him space he finds the words. I would have thought either you do them willfully or your are unaware of them altogether. So I told him I reccently did an Autism quiz and it came back saying I was very high on the autistic side of the spectrum and should get assessed. I had something I needed to get done on my home and had an inspector come to take a look, he was nice and we chatted about the beach as we both loved it and had caravans not to far from each other. Do You Have Aspergers Or Narcissism? This is how YOU know I let the way that others treat me and respond around me dictate how I then think and feel about myself. I can relate to much of what you have said as far as the narcissistic partner, and how it destroys the very fabric of who you are. You are so right Robin, Its exactly as you say where Id give another chance and the misery would start all over again. How do we recognize the sophistication of humanity and those that give and have gifts while increasing our understanding of the innate motivations of those that take in order to truly thrive and advance? I liken it to the logic of the Vulcan in Star Trek. My husband is fine with animals but has problems with humans. He was a very hands on dad, but always felt like he wasnt good enough not understanding himself with aspergers. Good luck. This disrupts her organised thought patterns and she goes into meltdown. Life is smoother now I know where she is coming from. All I suggest Jean, is that you do as much research on both these subjects as possible to put you own mind at rest. All men, whether having pituitary damage or nor are already in a testosterone-diminishing environment, and testosterone gets lower with age. Asperger's: When Narcissism Just Doesn't Explain Your Partner's Elizabeth he is a narcissist, I lived with one for 38 years and he almost destroyed me and his family in the process of trying to be in control. As such, the content is potentially dangerous to autistic individuals. As you say autistic individuals are not all the same, I believe you are right and some do have a certain amount of empathy, as my daughter has and I was told by several experts that this is unusual, but then there may be others that dont exhibit much at all, so, they are said to not have any. All the self help books provide the type of suggestions suitable for a 35 50 year old still in work, with children and friends and a reasonable partner, who is thought to be wanting to get on and achieve goals My only goal is to get through another day. Before anyone says does it matter which label he has or if he has one at (because I do get these questions so please dont think I am being rude or aggressive). Permission to publish granted by Sharie Stines, PsyD, GoodTherapy.org Topic Expert. So if i know how to get rich, i have the abilities to, why would i envy others success? What I have learned is he is who he is and he will never change. You can ask him to leave if you have the courage, as maybe living separately will give you both more freedom to run your own lives independently, especially financially. If they dont then they are definitely in the narcissistic range. Yes I agree. Yet, Asperger's and personality pathologies have little in common. Thanks so much for helping me. A daughter who was recently diagnosed in the same autism range as my unmarried daughter, and a son who is much lower on the spectrum and yet another daughter in that family who is normal. I now underdstood that this was something he was never going to be able to give me now matter how good, kind generous, forgiving I was. Luckily I was able to find such very excellent therapy for my brother, but more by luck than judgement, believe me. Some autistic people can lack empathy (but only through not understanding a situation entirely once you explain what is going on they will show huge sympathy and understanding for the situation). If we can generate these so called disorders in humans and animals (unethical I agree) with basic methods of no surprise to the modern up to date (i.e. Autismalso resides on a spectrum. I didnt want to hurt them or have children that would end up like me. Because of the similarities between Asperger's and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, there is frequently confusion. I am married and have been for 6 yrs. As Robin touched upon, I feel that we cannot begin to determine what is really going on with a persons brain until their environmental toxins and deficits are corrected. The more he tells me its not working, the more I try and honestly it scares me to have to start over. I really dont believe the previous person is correct. Narcissism IS high functioning autism where intervention has failed and been fooled by a child desperate to survive and appear normal as they approach teens and social survival starts to become paramount. Women with Aspergers over 40 are driven to GET AWAY from what they don't like doing. I would think generally no, by definition, those with asperger's could not also be narcissistic. This will require patience and perseverance. Im sure many of you can relate to that, but there is always someone who doesnt get it or is trolling. I dont know why I cant stop caring about him. There could be a variance either way for the autism and the same with the narcissistic traits. Right now Im being benched as they call it, left out of the game for not playing well. So I did some ringing around different psychologist and was finally given the contact details of one that did. We were not monogamous. I have learned people with Aspergers or autism as its now called suffer from a lot of anxiety. Not everyone wants to help like I do. Our story is very sad and very damaging, but we didnt know that growing up, as we had to survive our family chaos. So good luck to anyone whos in the same situation as myself. Read this if you think you don't have Aspergers Interesting question for sure. The man spoke to the doctor about the world he sees out there as being like chaos and how he needs order in his life. Perhaps a thought is to step back and look at him like he is someone you dont know, someone just on the street. Hes repetitive to an almost pathological degree, telling the same story from start to finish sometimes day after day. A load of these can affect decision making and make humans sick in many ways. For one thing, both are on a spectrum. 'Do I Have Asperger's or Narcissistic Personality Disorder?' - HuffPost Narcissism is a personality condition that ranges from mild to severe. I liked him a lot and have a lot of experience regarding mental illness due to growing up with a parents affliction, but this I hadnt encountered. The unabomber didnt want to be touched by his parents when child and more autismtypical traits. All rights reserved. He can say inappropriate things without realizing it. They live in an extended family, not in virtual worlds online without real contact, eye contact, touch, smiling, day light. They are capable of approaching you. Am saying that all these DSM inventions, are real yes, but not as these frauds explain them. Im retired but have gotten into some helpful groups and have developed friendships over the years, in spite of my about 50% introvert personality. Im family minded so its been difficult to put myself first ,but im learning. I would be relieved to leave a legacy. Am I moaning too much? Recognize that if your partner hurts you, it is not intentional. Another factor in his behaviour is that he is affected mentally by being disabled and unable to do much except sit around. Here is a link that gives quite a good explanation: autismspectrum.org.au/sites/default/files/Vic/The%20DSM%205%20Autism%20Spectrum%20Disorder%20criteria.pdf They dont understand that if you are in a hospital, you must care help.. thats YOUR JOB. Autistic people struggle with theory of mind issues, not insensitivity nor one-dimensionality. I can tell you narcs are stupid.. morons because their lack of empathy makes them blind and totally unable to get what is going on. Reading about psychopaths and narcissists and the way they think was a help to me. Just a true scientist in the tradition of Dee Bacon Plato etc Too many underlying issues causing the mental illness, Id say. . there I said it, is the world still running? If they do this, then they are Narcissistic, if they dont then it is Asbergers. Living with a narcistic man I now see he had me just where he wanted me and that was always below him and to never feel anything good for myself. Advices for someone in relationship with narcissist: They cant or wouldnt. He tries to curb these comments but complains its stressful for him having to monitor his speech for me. I see him starting to ask me questions about myself because I think (hope) hes beginning to care about me more. God I HOPE SO!!!. What do narcissists get out of hurting you or making you mad? In hindsight, I regret offering any armchair diagnosis, even though Ive spent many many hours studying these things for my sake, her sake, and our families sake. Comorbidity of Asperger's syndrome and bipolar . Emotional and mental health is such a fascinating subject, and Im not expert at all. I randomly searched and found your comments and felt like I found an answer I was long searching for. I understand Frederics frustration but lots of narcissists dont know they are afflicted, and I expect some dont care. So I have had my time pulling my hair out and being hugely frustrated and desperate for an answer how to handle her. There have been and are many famous people on this list, look it up. Find out if he feels the way I do. My husband certainly does. I met my second wife, and same thing happened, but it lasted longer (the books and strategies worked). Narcs are all about the power and putting poeple in their place i.e. Ever since we got together he has been judgmental, critical, controlling and insistent on being right about everything. Through his questions and suggestions and understanding and friendship, and also through reading a book by Alice Miller that he recommended, I came to a new understanding, not only of my case, but at the same time of the whole human condition, mental health in general, suffering in general, why there are wars, why real love is so rare, and so on. Nothing because it doesnt make them happy the god dam morons. The Relationship Between Aspergers Syndrome And Psychopathy Its like a surgeon in a surgery room see a person bleeding to death and hes like well hope you will clean up the mess when you get better cauz i wont and leave I mean.. its insane They have 0 logic.. 0 brain. Every real symptom can be explained by a combination of biochemistry and consciousness studies none of which needs any of the cult speak of psychiatry. They are able to talk themselves up and can be dismissive of others. I feel terrible about what I did. Its easy for me to say you need to get a different perspective on life. Drugs, ECT, resting away from the world in a mental hospital did not help. Narcissists CAN empathize with others, but often choose not to, because these other people are not as important as the narcissist. This was a huge step for me in understanding how she felt. I wonder do you feel that the more he tells you it is not working the more you want to help him because you feel he has a problem you may be able to help with? (He had no father or siblings and was very isolated growing up.) In fact, their lack of understanding of social cues, situations, and intentions can make many of them more likely to manipulate even if it isnt entirely intentional. Then i was disabled and sent home for life where my parents would try more than ever to finish me off. We have both worked hard to make our marriage work but I felt so hurt today when he seemed anxious because my sister came to visit me, I have just had a major operation and she came over to give me some company and was gone before he got home. I am obsessed with fairness, transparency and understanding the rules of play. All rights reserved. No again. He is a truly great person to me just not to others. Im too strong of a person to let the pain and frustration linger for too long; but at the moment my curiosities are running on high, high octane searching for answers given the information and memories I have of our brief relationship. Narcissism, according to the American Psychiatric Association's DSM-5 criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, includes somethough not necessarily allof the following features:. I do not accept any kind of social heirarchies to me everyone is just a human being. Is it Asperger's or Narcissism or Both? I have my own life Ive developed, (reinstituted) although that wasnt easy as I also have some severe arthritis to deal with from accidents, etc. When we look at the relationships that NPDs get into, the other person is often vulnerable in some way and time and time again, I am finding that when we look at the parents of NPDs, one is NPD and the other is ASD. Who says Autism isnt normal as it has to be normal for an Autistic person doesnt it, and how does a sufferer explain these difficulties to a prospective partner. It would be good if this article was at the very least amended because it still comes up in search terms and it is perpetuating harmful beliefs. I now realise this constant bashing I experienced was in part because I was such an easy target as an autistic person and also a constant thorn in their sides because 1. There were a couple of sayings I came across that made me think, and I found they helped me as well. He has recently come to terms with the fact he may have high functioning autism. All these children DO NOT exhibit full blown narcissism as my ex partner did. I have no control over thiis as its the decision of the individual to decide for themselves. Break up and never look back. Therapists foundation staff that have a guy like me.. messed up like me.. living there cauz i cant on my own ask help.. over and over.. and none understood that ignoring me.. or telling me to deal with it was.. CRAZY. Psys and therapists say its impossible that i be narc, impossible. Thank you so much for your comments on this website! I hope there is someone in your life to guide you to be responsible for yourself as it sounds this has been missing for you, or you have not understood what was being taught and you may feel threatened by this. Consider pathological narcissism. I however also suspect him of being a narcissist. He says he knows he cares for me because he can feel it when he hugs me. Those with or without insecurity. I have lost count of how many emails I have sent, doors knocked, letters posted, complaints to councils made, about the noise neighbours we have had make. My reaction scared me and I finally left him for my own sanity. Why this happened no one has an answer. I do not understand manipulative behaviour and fall into the same traps over and over again, even with the same person. In the most severe instances, the person demonstrates sociopathic tendencies or antisocial personality. Ive been married a couple of times and had different intimate encounters along my journey in life, and also a 30yr friendship with a man with, what I described as a condition. It is helpful to be flexible and adaptable. Why are people meeting the possessed etc in the first place, let alone staying 25 years? Im also 100% sure hes a narcissist. What can I do to recover from this personality disorder? This brought on the most horrendous fear in him which he still has trouble containing. Read some anthropology. Can I please get a clarification here? I mean other than my pure grades, the behavior of all the important people around me outside my family says a lot. He told me hes leaving to help his ex again knowing how hurt I was the first time. Does he object if you want to go out independently, and if so he may well be narcissistic in his behaviour. Hi Jenny, I hope Ive explained it so you can understand what I am trying to say. yes.
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