In part of my trying to reprogram my thoughts, I am going to decline my first instinct of denigrating men and relationships and instead say: I guess crazier things have happened I guess if GOD intervened and the man made the earth move. Most of my friends detest my husband and he calls them the bunch from hades. I was able to be aroused and have really good sex, but I never saught it out. I should have a husband or nothing at all. I contacted a friend of a friend who I knew was a model like he was on billboards. If you listen to the commenters here, you will see that most of them dont have a revulsion to their partner. Sucks to see there are women pushing themselves to service their partners needs and enduring this shit, that is so heartbreaking. I stood in front of my mirror a few times a day and told myself how beautiful I was and that I love my body, love myself, could accomplish anything I wanted to..ect.. Well.. you know what happened? Dont Touch Me: Understanding Your Sexual Aversion, Contributed by Mieke Rivka Sidorsky, LCSW-C. I can live with the status quo. I also love him and would never leave him.. but Im just not feeling the sexual desire for him anymore. It is the saddest thing that has happen in our relationship. My husband so depressed in 2009 over no sex and no time off in 28 years He developed MRSA in his spine crippling him. - Quora Answer (1 of 2): Thats sad to hear. I highly recommend improving yourself get over the bitterness . Have you considered talking to your wife? Its your subconscious telling you to get the hell out there as soon as possible. I am not married with my boyfriend, we live together and I do not remember when was the last time we were intimate. Just an everyday individual. The moment that happens I become nauseous, agitated and panicky. It is physically impossible. To use your analogy, if a heterosexual female is not attracted to another female, that wont necessarily relate to negative feelings. I was so happy to stumble across this article and the comments after a late night Google search on the issue thats destroying our marriage . No, I havent gained weight and I am very interested and active and enjoy being intimate but he doesnt have any desire. Ultimately the answer is communication if you are clear with your partner what you are comfortable with and not, then you and your partner can try to figure out something that works for both of you. I want to make love to her. Its such a turn off to me. In your situation, where your wife is not willing to make the sacrifice for you and your relationship, you should sit her down and tell her your feelings. I use a lot of caps and ellipsis too! I am so lost. I now know that I not only dont care about sex but that Ive always found the human body to be kind of silly looking and at times a real turnoff. Im not a nerd. My husband and I went from non at all to once a week with therapy time and patients. I was always brushed aside. His last patrol was waivered to get him to go on it, but I had no idea at that time why we were notified he was ok after we had not heard directly from him in nearly three years except for trying to talk him into reenlisting seven months before over a Thanksgiving meal on his boat before he was flown to another boat on the west coast leaving on patrol, another time to replace a drug bust. We make choices and break them and pay for them. So, yes, one can definitely have trouble opening up about this. Only thing now is, I felt I was manipulated..bc he said and acted liked he wanted the same very things I did. Yeah like women dont want to have sex willingly heck most woman are the pursuers. Many cannot pinpoint any trauma. Did you ask him why he feels this way? I thought i was the only one going through this horrible situation, i use to love to touch, be touched and enjoyed sexual engagement with my husband but these days i feel so uncomfortable, irritable, lack of sexual desire and i dont recall any trouma in my childwood at all, he is all i ever wanted, soft, caring and wonderful man, what is wrong with me? Since Im just an everyday Joe, Id offer that a person with Bi Polar disorder could possibly engage in, and even enjoy sex during their euphoric moments, but deeply detest even the suggestion of sex during their depressed state. I think I concluded by saying that if she were indeed pleasing her boyfriend, that her [aversion] is what she should concentrate her attention on. I feel now that it was caused by Body Dysmorphic Disorder and not feeling like anyone would find me attractive. DONT GET MARRIED!! The same thing happened on night 2. Matt, this is me exactly, including the drinking. It is ending my marriage as we speak. That never happened! His sister, youngest brother and I When I finally decided that my partner was the guy I wanted to lose it to, it was because of our emotional connection. I dont think that sex is the big part of it for me though. it makes me feel lighter. Ill leave out the details here except to say that were a married male/female couple with a couple of kids, and are looking for help on what appears to be an inexplicable sexual trauma response on my wifes part that arose after our second child was born, and that is specific only to me. I DID NOT assume she was teasing her boyfriend. i feel i have this problem and i dont know how to even begin to get treatment for it. And repulsion is the perfect word. Sometime after we moved in together the sex began to slow and i had trouble becoming aroused. Listen.. you dont ever have to have sex again.. thats okay. It seems like Im punishing my poor husband, which I dont mean to do. If a heterosexual female doesnt feel anything when she looks at another female, does that mean that she is repulsed by her? I do not know what to do. So I have a girlfriend and we have been dating for several years now, and she admitted that she doesnt like to be touched at all, in no ways. I would have never married. I was not molested as a child, but I was bullied and teased by girls from Kindergarten through High School. The counselor felt her heart was not in it and she was just going through the motions. Are you still with your husband? is "the ick" and why do we I have 0 turn-ons. I made some really bad decisions, and sans Therapy, I was on course to make even worse. He can see that and this also becomes a source of unspoken hostility. Im unsure if there will be much to discuss, as in many of our arguments, I was at fault. He didnt want to be bothered, he was too busy or he was traveling most of the time. I would say, as a female, I would not blame you if you have an affair if your wife will not fulfill your needs. I feel like a freak.. Tracey I know exactly what you mean. So The first day my husbands mother had to stop him from chasing his father down and hurting him for setting up the apointment with HR to reinstate without his say so She thought they would wait two weeks to Reinstate him but they put him on seconds that day for a 12 hour shift, He was again met by the same note as the day before to take the sofa and leave me alone. I was in love with him, but I fell out of love because my mind is continuously working and working and it gets on my nerves sometimes that he is relaxed, watching tv, while I have to beg him to cut the grass, take out the trash, pay some bills. Once one sees someone behave in such a way, and the feeling of that, its repulsive. I had been blaming all the sexual problems on myself. Just for a three week Road trip without any particular destination west in mind. Then 45 minutes latter WW3 broke out in the living room His mother was begging please dont hurt your father please some body help. He just about threw him out the front door telling his father that one day he would go to far anfd push him more than he should have. That is a marriage in crisis. I do NOT enjoy it, NOR do I want it or need it. I used to LOVE having sex and being sexual and touchy with my husband. If you arent willing to do it then the only alternatives for your spouse is to also do without or get it elsewhere. An addiction is a compulsion to do something and an aversion is a compulsion to not do something. Its obvious what she meant, and so many women feel that way. She just accepts that this is the way she is now and I must do the same. Youre allowed to discover your personal sexual preferences, youre allowed to take your time in figuring this out, and youre allowed to say at the end of the day that you dont like sex and dont feel comfortable with it, if thats the conclusion you come to. Darling, Are You Disgusted Though I think most responses here are issues with marriage and not from repeated abuse the abuse coming from someone you know as is most often the case. In this case, your husband should try to understand you and give you the support you need to seek help. The Therapy may not only help with the Sexual Aversion, but also unlock an underlying issue that may be negatively impacting other areas of your Life. If this sounds like you or your partner, it may be a case of sexual aversion. While Im having sex and after, I feel dirty and sick to my stomach. What do you think is wrong with him? For me though, things are even worse. Our society tells us that we must have sex every day or else something is wrong with us. I had mine before we met and he is selling and buying another home. You dont mention what things you like to do to your boyfriend, but if youre doing things to tease, tantalize to the point of bordering on sodomy, Id question your actions/motives. It was always a here we go again with the sex thing. I try to start on the steps to get better however I have been going through this with my husband and I have tried to set boundaries as one of the steps indicate what do I do if my husband doesnt respect the boundaries I set and makes me feel that I have no choice and make him happy but giving into him and having sex with him or telling him that there are curtain kinds of sexual acts that I do not like and will never do he still asks for them. Work through the tips above to be more connected with your body and feel more comfortable when sexual contact occurs. married men sleep with other women. It makes me cry to think there are others like me. He may be assuming that is happening without knowing it for sure and that could be a mistake as well. So, like a previous commenter, I am able to bring him sexual pleasure but I dont want to be touched myself. seriously. I find myself getting dressed very quickly because I know that if catches me naked, hes going to come up to me and start grabbing my private parts. I gradually noticed that my body wasnt responding to sexual touch and I was unable to arouse. The GoodTherapy Blog can also be a valuable resource for finding some of the information you are looking for. It is day to day. Sexually Repressed I thought I was disfunctional. Why do i feel disgusted when someone likes me? (2023) Ive done meditations but I cant help but feel that I only see my wife as a friend. My MO is to now just hit the stage of passing out before he come to bed and the next morning is spent with unspoken hostilities and anger over the unrewarding previous evening. He said take his pi** father and my tramp self and pick a semi to step in front of and let him out from under the guardianship so he could have a life other than work. My issues are likely not going to go away. depressed or anxious. A good once can help you get some perspective. But for notkick that guy out even if you have to file eviction. What could be the cause of this? It can happen to ANYONE, male OR female, I absolutely agree, and it is miserable. about 5 years ago I went outside our marriage for sex. Sometimes if I drink I enjoy sex. Or finish that movie I started Then the rush of it all gets me off. Now, I feel full disgust when he touches me and when we have sex. When we are alone he will often walk up and hug me or try to give me a kiss or grab and rub my breasts , trying to get me in a playful mood. I think that, if there really wasnt a big factor in someones life converting them to that then what makes it unnatural? I can get close to someone but intimacy on that level is not my thing. Ive come beyond the PTS, but my sexual desire hasnt come back, and I feel like Im completely detached during sex. I like men and women and I have messed around with both sexes a little when i was younger. Found out I had not received his pay and allowances for seven months when he received 16000 in final pays, plus 1300 in travel pay which he took 800 and applied it to a flight home. You cant change it no matter how hard you try. And she hasnt experienced traume. How do you discern between asexuality as a sexual orientation and sexual aversion/anxiety as a disorder? We dont argue. Did something happen? Sexual aversion maybe experienced even if you have a great relationship and find your partner attractive. its a freaking fantasy your optimism on amazing men out there . UGH, its so frustrating. Like I have told therapists I know exactly what my issues are, how they came to be and what it will take in a normal situation to overcome/move past it. She was beautiful in my eyes. How it feels for me when Im having sex or even when I just think about it, it feels like a bolt of electricity runs through my body and stuns me while something also stabs my stomach. You only need concentrate on what stops you from allowing yourself to be touched. Anyway.this is exctly how Ive felt, and I just dont know why. I have often wondered if there was someone else and even told him I would leave if he wanted. I am just praying that its over. One thing that I have discovered however, in our case anyway, is that it can be very embarrassing for the person suffering from the aversion. I am resigned to not staying together. got his final pays and found out he was being paid as a second class the last six months and was frocked to second class nine months before. As for her not liking to be touched, I agree that is very common. WebEngaging in sexual activity when you are not aroused is harmful for your emotional well-being. We spend one night together at my home in the same bed. He would have to be the reincarnation of Dionysus. okay i have bad sexual aversion due to trauma, however, I am very sexual, in that I tend to clear my mind in the moment and try not to think of what is being done to me or what I am doing and just do the task at hand. You may even learn things about yourselves and each other that you never knew before. Its been 36 years now trying to get compromises to let him have what he wanted and let the community have their needs met. So after about 10 years and just gave up with her. Maybe I just need to give it some time. You can put in effort and bring back the in love feelings with your true love partner but its not automatic. very low, sad and upset. Me, I just wanted to listen to 50s music, and watch The Golden Girls haha. Its your home!!!! I was never sexually abused, but did suffer a ton of verbal abuse throughout childhood. WebWhy do I feel disgusting sometimes? I notice that female commenters get lots of love and support for their stories, male commenters, even those bringing up very sad tales of sexual issues get no response. I had a great childhood as well, and I have a memory like no other, and I truly believe I would remember some sort of sexual trauma. She found an article on sexual aversion, and she was excited to see information she could relate to. But isnt it at least a relationship problem? I see this as helplessness and not owning her part of the issue but maybe Im being self absorbed and blind. It is hard to say what it could be for your husband, but it is worth looking into if you both love each other and it seems like you do. I heard his mother beg to please keep the peace she did not need a murder his first day home. My friend did not get past the gate at the end of the drive. Please.. just make sure that you have this conversation with her first. She seems to act is if it is just my problem, not her problem, not our problem. I dont refuse sex now like I did until 2013, after he became angry I was going out for a dinner event, Told me I was not going to appear at said dinner with his father mother and on the arm of his fathers best friend unless I went nude not in a dress his pay paid for I was not going.. We see each other a few days during the week for a couple of hours each visit. Uh, no. There was just nothing we could suggest that was a compromise he would accept even just staying home and resting those three weeks was not acceptable to him. I feel awful and dont understand it at all. Hi Sara. Subscribe me to the GoodTherapy.org public newsletter. As you get more comfortable, increase the activities slowly over time. Its getting worse as I get older. Or, maybe they could be Asexual or Demisexual. I want to be with the guy, I really enjoy sex but this response kills the moment along with my sex life. AFTER THAT I NEVER WANTED TO HAVE SEX ANYMORE. I quit initiating several years ago because the consistent rejection was too hard to handle. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. If anyone could help, I would be extremely thankful! Thats so interesting that you mention Misophonia Matt, as I suffer from sexual aversion and have misophonia and misokenisia. I dont know what to make of it, theres no explanation its not normal and its just freakish and makes me feel so separate from society. i am not a man haterin todays world keeping your body to yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself. could you please recommend some literature that i could get online so i could read about it? And he stomped out the door after that flat refusal. Engaging in sex and enjoying sex, no matter what the conditions, are two separate entities in my opinion in that there are those who would submit to engaging in sex because they feel they owe it to their partner, even though they must be drunk or stoned before the act can be carried out. this day and age, and all the female narcissism..stay single. Now its been over 10 years since we acted like a husband and wife in the bedroom. Three months later, I experienced my first aversion towards her. HE Ended up aknowlegding those needs leaving a bloody trial of broken people when they interfered with him. I myself use to feel embarrased of my body and just not confident in anything I did. As far as my body image goes, I have been trying to get over it for decades (my oldest is 22), I just cant seem to. He said I had 31 years of his time I was out of mine. It was hard for him to accept that I didnt need or want sex for myself anymore. Has anyone been through this before? Its completely a sexual aversion issue. The messages received about bodies or sex over the years could be a collective sexual trauma that happened so subtly they cant be pinpointed. (Weve periodically had an open relationship, and she hasnt had this response with other lovers.) At the same time, your husband needs to be reminded that you require more from him in this area. I couldnt keep lying and forcing myself to pretend I was enjoying sex just because my husband still needed sexual intimacy. Ive spent hours crying and trying to conjure up the courage to engage in sex. I have even spent the past 5 years secretly drinking in the evenings in hope that a strong buzz will relieve my anxieties and help me get the job done. Things have changed, and Im going to have to figure out how to deal with this. Because of the clarity of the message and the gravity of the situation, disgust is easily infectious: When we see someone who is disgusted, we quite often experience disgust as well. I just know that from my standpoint, I want her very badly. Let me know if you have any suggestions. Have you voiced your concerns/feelings to him? I also stopped trying to touch her anywhere other than her hands. An aversion to sex as Ive come to believe is that an individual just does NOT have any interest in, nor desire for sex at any level. You explained it PERFECTLY! But now I cant remember the last time we had sex. The only question is whether I divorce my wife over it or have an affair. In every other way I have had such a happy marriage. Let your mind wander, and write down what makes you feel anxious at the end of 15 mins. I think it stands alone in such instances as sexuak attractiveness, desire, and participation. Two weeks latter it was my time to pay for the broken promises of 31 years When he took me to the floor and had his way as I begged couldnt we try and work things out over time. I know exactly what shes talking about. Sign up and Get Listed. If a person who has this cannot initially pinpoint an early sexual trauma, does that immediately rule out sexual trauma? Youre absolutely right. The next morning what I thought would happen did, I ended up with a broken ankle. (2) I have been date raped multiple times (5), I have had to light a man on fire to get him off of me, I have also had to put a cigarette out on a man because he wouldnt let me go. Thank you for your contribution. Thanks, Hi Angie. - Quora Answer (1 of 9): This is something you have learned in recent years, or it has been taught to you by someone who influences you, could be a It sounds like you could both benefit from opening up about it. You do not feel aroused, yet you engage in sex anyway The point is I understood two things from reading this article. I actually started to believe it! I know can put a name to what I have. Our friendship/relationship changed in character just recently, and became more personal. If the cause is less serious, you will have to spend some time, on rewriting the brains responses and understanding of the causes and effects. WebOne of the most common reasons you experience a disgusting feeling when someone reveals they like you is because you have been significantly hurt in your past relationships. Its like a betrayal towards your own self. One of the most important aspects of marriage is to work together when things are working out well. Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD): Someone with OCD might feel She will begin by spending some alone time, thinking of me, and writing down the feelings that present themselves as anxiousness, or negativity. This can cause your Personally, I think sex is a disgusting, primitive, and useless act. Im a happily married man, I love my wife and Im only 29. and yes, sometimes that can seem rushed and perfunctory. He looked at me and said feel free he was not ice skating someplace just barely warmer in mid winter than the mid west. Sadly years of going to different therapists hasnt helped us. I was a plug to even think of going back into his world. Of course if you want to continue destroing youself like that, feel free. Im so weird! But Im tired of the judgement from women who are angry when I dont ask them out and get physical with them. My partners regular drinking makes me totally anxious and I will not be touched. Do you tend to avoid or limit sexual activity? It may be helpful for him to do some sessions on his own as well. Please stop the judging. This doesnt bother me at all, but Im worried that shes freaked out at the thought of engaging in any sort of intimacy with me, and is just being diplomatic by offering that shes asexual. As I know and feel he wants to be the dominator over all I do. I havent bothered with sex for about 15 years, just wont get up anymore. Is it possible that simply having kids you never really wanted can cause sexual aversion? Thanks in advance! Im not repressed; it simply didnt happen. Notice any feelings that come up when you think of this past abuse (anger, sadness, frustration, etc). Well, now at least I know where I stand. It reminds me of some alien movie or something of some weird species infecting someone. I should not have a boyfriend. Second, I feel like I cannot control the situation when having sex. About 15 years ago, I stopped engaging in sex with Randoms . Im not sure she even sees it as a problem at all. Would you say that you are comfortable with yourself/your body? I imagine she loves you dearly. I understand your choice to have them but I feel that the same would happen to me as well. I used to think it had to do with my body image issues, but like you said.you can always have sex in the dark. hi i am a 36 year old male with a history of bipolar and severe psychological depression and ocd. Tisconi, Dont Touch Me: Understanding Your Sexual Aversion That came out a bit harsh. We Need To Talk About Disgust Toward Sex When Wifes responsibility is to provide those NEEDS. First of all weve been married 50 years and I really never liked touch her nor having sex with her. but a couple times of that and even then10 minutes would go by and it would be So are you finished yet or.?. It seems to happen again and again. to marry a year in the future . Whats the point of putting all that time and energy into this ritual for a tiny moment of pleasure that feels like a sneeze. I want to tell you I was much like you and your age. They have to be willing to admit its a problem and seek help. As though she finally had the excuse she needed to give up and move out. I am sexually attracted to him but I cannot have sex when alcohol is involved. I am too consumed with worry that I wont be able to pay the piper at nights end or if I am able to force myself to get through it, I try to rush it along as much as I can. Not sure of my problem but, I just dont feel any arousal and couldnt maintain erection. So the feelings mutual. Then the affair changed my life. I hate coming too close to him. BM seems to be saying that she shouldnt tease by sexually stimulating without finishing the process, so to speak. He thinks its because of the bad stuff that happened a few years ago, and again it probably has something to do with that of course, but I am constantly telling him No, Ive NEVER been interested. I was a virgin until I met him. I am pretty sure that is the case with my wife. I was raised in a very conservative religious family and all sex talk was discouraged except for the standard wait until marriage line.
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